Listen to Feel OK
Last summer a friend of mine went through his first psychotic break and had to spend some time on the 3rd floor of the hospital. He had to go on disability, unable to return to work. He has a family and lived a life not unlike you or me.
This song is essentially the poetic form of a conversation I had with him not too long after his break. It was heartbreaking to listen to him talk about the added confusion in every facet of life: providing for his family, raising kids, being a loving husband, how to make marriage work, trusting God. How do you begin to embrace an "ill" mind?
It is hard to see bright eyes turned hollow turned lifeless. How much harder to experience? Not forever, but at least for a moment. I appreciate that I am beginning to see life in those eyes again now. Life that will never quite have the same trajectory, but present nonetheless. It is my prayer that "what man intends for evil, God can use for good. When this world tries to harm us there is more to be understood".
Mental health is fascinating and difficult for me, and for many of you, because we are all affected personally by it. I dont know very many people who have remained untouched by the various faces of mental health. Depression that numbs, anxiety that screams, delusions that scare us. I think its hard too because there is no surgery, or miracle drug, no cookie cutter solution to our problems. In a society that waves a flag of perfection, power, flawlessness, beauty and achievment, mental illness forces us to forget about striving for alot of what we thought we should aim for in life. Maybe not all of that is a bad thing. Maybe if the pressure for perfection is off we can embrace what humanity is really about.
We'll all spend our lives figuring that out, but some days the best we can hope for is just to feel OK.
I know its not your fault, but these bills still got to be paid
I know its not your fault, but these kids still got to be raised
I know its not your fault, some days it takes more than just these meds you've got to feel OK
I know its not your fault, I know, honey I know
Take this away, for just another day give me just one more day
Take this away, for just another day give me just one more day my dear
I love you, I hope we do OK I hope you feel OK
My dear, I love you
I know despite what you say, I know you don't mean those things anyway
I know despite what you say you don't think that we should give our kids away
I know its not my fault, some days I can't try hard enough just to feel OK
I know its not my fault, I know, honey I know
Take this away, for just another day give me just one more day
Take this away, for just another day give me just one more day my dear
I love you, I hope we do OK I hope you feel OK
My dear, I love you
What man intends for evil
God can use for good
When this world tries to harm us
There is more to be understood
My dear I love you, I hope we do OK, I hope you feel OK
My dear, I love you
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