Increased awareness

Is there anything we feel in life that isn't perspective?

I was moved a few weeks ago by the story of Jacob in the book of Genesis. It was the story of Jacob fleeing from Esau, and God appearing to him in a dream in a place later named Bethel (House of God). Max led the study, I appreciated him bringing us into the mindset of Jacob. Jacob was leaving his home, his family and his understanding of purpose. He was leaving a family that had been blessed by God and that God had promised to bless and be a blessing through. He didn’t know where he was going or what had drawn him there and was uncertain how this fit into his future.

I identified with Jacob: a panic, a what am I doing here, a sense of lack of purpose, a struggle to understand my vision and how to communicate that. 

God appeared in a dream. Jacob saw a ladder, with “messengers” going up and down, with the Lord atop. The Lord spoke to him, ““I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying.  Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

Jacob woke up, made a monument, glorified God, realized the holiness inherent to this place. "Surely the Lord was in this place and I was not aware of it." he says.

What struck me was that reality had not changed overnight. Jacob woke up with the exact struggles in reality that were torturing him as he fell asleep. God was just as faithful when Jacob fell asleep, he still had plans for Jacob. All that changed was his perception. He gained a knowledge that God was for him. Would not leave him or forsake him.

Since then I feel like my perspective might have changed a bit. When I respond to someone's question of "how are you" with, "good" or "bad", what am I really saying? I mean if I believe in God's promises, that he works through suffering, that I am valuable not because of what I do but who I am and who God is, and that in the end "all things work for the good of those who love Him", how can any day be bad?

Now grief may be a different beast. But in reality, what I am saying with my response to "how are you" is: I was able to enter into the perspective of God today or I was not.
Was I able to understand the presence of God?

Because whether I am aware or not, God is surely present in this place. 

Creator increase my awareness, every day.

Sort of Suffering

“How can anyone pity anyone who is doing the will of Our Lord? Is there anything sweeter on earth than to do the will of Him one loves? And if it gives one some trouble to carry it out, the sweetness is all the greater.” –Charles de Foucauld

People often ask me why I decided to move to Vancouver this year to do work with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. For anyone not keeping up with, “Life With Derek” (apparently it’s a show), I have been residing in Vancouver for two months working with the Christian Community at Emily Carr. 

My decision making process for doing the internship looked something like this:

January: I have decided I am not going to do the internship.

February: I got a call from someone asking if I was interested in doing the internship. I prayed about it. I didn’t want to, but felt that God was desiring to develop my character so that I am willing to drop anything for what he asks of me. So I said, “yes”.

Now let me whine for a paragraph or two then I’ll get us back on track with a good mindset.

I miss a lot from my life over the past two years since graduating! I was in a career that I find very fulfilling and enjoy, I was able to live in the same town as my wonderful girlfriend Eunice, I played music with good friends and could have a weekly dose of experimenting with songs and sounds, I lived with my folks and enjoyed getting to know them as an adult. The decision to come here wasn’t one I chose out of comfort, but more so out of obedience. There was a sacrifice to come here.

I have been feeling that sacrifice over the past few months. I don’t have established friendships with people I have done life with for years. I have moved from a financial lifestyle of independence to dependence. I have moved from an established career with daily rewarding experiences to a nebulous role I feel I am drowning in for at least part of most days. Growing in a romantic relationship is harder 800km away.

Why do we do these things to ourselves?

After reading the quote I opened with, my prayer in instances of loneliness, anxiety or discomfort has been, “I love you Jesus.” That is essentially why I have said yes to coming to Vancouver! How sweet it is to suffer for the one that you love. Every time I sense that suffering, I remind myself that it is for love. It is not needless not fruitless.

The beauty of suffering for Jesus is that it’s really only sort of suffering... the reality is that this is the best place for me to be. There is no better place to be than in God’s will. Perhaps the only better place to be is in His love. If I can be in both, man! I feel like I am on a ship at sea, being shifted in the waves to the sides of the ship that are fear and insecurity. Slowly I am learning to root myself in the center, so that the ship can move all it wants in the waves but I am secure in steadfast love of the Father. In the middle I am aware not only of the constancy of love, grace, and my own ability, but I also understand that the ship is moving forward in a direction. It is going to a place that is better for me.

I encourage you that love is a person. That knowing Jesus, that loving Jesus, is the way to peace in this life, whatever suffering you are facing. And its love that is purely out of response to the love we have received in the firstplace.

Future gardens from all this rain/

Future flowers from present pain

-Jon Foreman

Hacky Sack

An Emily Carr veteran told me to inform her of stories I experience at Emily Carr. It is an exciting school, so they say. Or rather they say, “You’ll see some weird shit.” I thought I might chronicle a few of these experiences for amusement of the general population.

To those unaware, I am working with the Christian Community at Emily Carr this year, a progressive art school in Vancouver. First month, so I am getting to know folks, figure out my role, and becoming exposed to the weird and wonderful world of “art”.

They have a monthly coffee night/open mic night, so I thought I would sign up! You know, play some tunes, meet some people, and go experience the school spirit at Emily Carr. I go to sign up at the correct office and start chatting up the teacher there.

“What’s your name?” asks the bespectacled, mid-40s woman. I tell her. Her eyes light up.

“I had a favourite Derek that attended here!” Grateful for a well-respected namesake at Emily Carr  before my time, I smile and let her tell me about him.

“He just loved to be naked!  One time he came to my office covered in flour and dressed only in a towel! Then he just whipped off the towel!” I apologize for the image floating in your mind. The flour settling in the air to reveal “Food Network Gone Wild”.

“I thought it was so great, I brought him into my foundations class* and whipped the towel off of him in front of all the students!” *foundations class = 1st year students

“His ball sack was so saggy, he could have played hacky sack with it!”

I didn’t want to be her new favourite Derek. I didn’t want to make the top 10. And I won’t be baking with flour for the next 6 months, thank you.