Sort of Suffering

“How can anyone pity anyone who is doing the will of Our Lord? Is there anything sweeter on earth than to do the will of Him one loves? And if it gives one some trouble to carry it out, the sweetness is all the greater.” –Charles de Foucauld

People often ask me why I decided to move to Vancouver this year to do work with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. For anyone not keeping up with, “Life With Derek” (apparently it’s a show), I have been residing in Vancouver for two months working with the Christian Community at Emily Carr. 

My decision making process for doing the internship looked something like this:

January: I have decided I am not going to do the internship.

February: I got a call from someone asking if I was interested in doing the internship. I prayed about it. I didn’t want to, but felt that God was desiring to develop my character so that I am willing to drop anything for what he asks of me. So I said, “yes”.

Now let me whine for a paragraph or two then I’ll get us back on track with a good mindset.

I miss a lot from my life over the past two years since graduating! I was in a career that I find very fulfilling and enjoy, I was able to live in the same town as my wonderful girlfriend Eunice, I played music with good friends and could have a weekly dose of experimenting with songs and sounds, I lived with my folks and enjoyed getting to know them as an adult. The decision to come here wasn’t one I chose out of comfort, but more so out of obedience. There was a sacrifice to come here.

I have been feeling that sacrifice over the past few months. I don’t have established friendships with people I have done life with for years. I have moved from a financial lifestyle of independence to dependence. I have moved from an established career with daily rewarding experiences to a nebulous role I feel I am drowning in for at least part of most days. Growing in a romantic relationship is harder 800km away.

Why do we do these things to ourselves?

After reading the quote I opened with, my prayer in instances of loneliness, anxiety or discomfort has been, “I love you Jesus.” That is essentially why I have said yes to coming to Vancouver! How sweet it is to suffer for the one that you love. Every time I sense that suffering, I remind myself that it is for love. It is not needless not fruitless.

The beauty of suffering for Jesus is that it’s really only sort of suffering... the reality is that this is the best place for me to be. There is no better place to be than in God’s will. Perhaps the only better place to be is in His love. If I can be in both, man! I feel like I am on a ship at sea, being shifted in the waves to the sides of the ship that are fear and insecurity. Slowly I am learning to root myself in the center, so that the ship can move all it wants in the waves but I am secure in steadfast love of the Father. In the middle I am aware not only of the constancy of love, grace, and my own ability, but I also understand that the ship is moving forward in a direction. It is going to a place that is better for me.

I encourage you that love is a person. That knowing Jesus, that loving Jesus, is the way to peace in this life, whatever suffering you are facing. And its love that is purely out of response to the love we have received in the firstplace.

Future gardens from all this rain/

Future flowers from present pain

-Jon Foreman