Tuesday, April 22, 2014

I'll Choke


This is a song of frustration with my elated expectations of what life owes me. There are many times in my life where for months I will be depressed, saddened by my lack of this or that which I feel is due me. I see people around me who have what I desire, and they look so happy. I think bitterly to myself, “how can they do what I cant, and get what I want?” And then something hits me. A realization that I am blessed. That I live a ridiculously good life. And even if I didn’t, I am still called to live a life of joy. Content in whatever circumstance; grateful for the peace that passes understanding God provides and the daily bread that is offered.
I live in these lies that choke me. Lies that squeeze whatever life I have to keep and the life I have to give to others. In the holiest of vomits I need to expel my discontent. And in the holiest hour of rest I need to reflect and pray.

Much of this album is my experience in learning to appreciate the darkness. The holes in my mind. The craters of the moon. Letting the darkness shape you and take you places you could not visit in the daylight. There are areas of my soul I am not willing to travel by day, where I can see the ruin. Its only in the darkness that I can be led by One wiser than I to confront what I would not allow myself to confront by day. So I treasure the nights, the sunrise has yet to fail me. 



Summer love never comes around
Winter love is hard to be found
The fall it changes every single day
Spring wakes me from unrestful sleep
Rubbing my eyes and cleaning my teeth as my appetite grows larger than my charm

If I have to swallow one more lie I’ll choke
If I have to buy any more time I’ll be broke

The sundance kid knows how to walk them coals
Never smell flesh or burning soles
Doing what I cant and getting what I want
Me I’ll two-step with the moon at night
The craters filling the holes in my mind
It keeps my focus off the darkness in the night

If I have to swallow one more lie I’ll choke
If I have to buy any more time I’ll be broke

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