Under the skin

Starting IVs is one of my favorite nursing pasttimes. I dont know why, something about searching for veins, the tactile skills needed to get the needle in the right spot, hitting the vessel and getting blood. Its a beautiful thing. I also find it a great time to get to chat with patients.

Last night I got to start an IV on a gentleman with cancer. On his bedside table were some great books, I could tell we`d find something to talk about. Lao Tsu, military related PTSD, you know, great stuff. So we got talking (and I had to poke him three times, sorry!), and at one point as he shared about how this trappist monk I am a fan of (Thomas Merton) wrote a translation of Lao Tsu's writings. I mentioned to him there was one Lao Tsu quote I found quite compelling:

"Those who live in the past are depressed. Those who live in the future are anxious. Those who learn how to be present are at peace."

A truth found in many religions.
This man with popped veins from fragility (my aim was on... my gentle touch was in my other scrubs) said to me, "That's really inspiring, thanks for sharing that. Not many people take the time to memorize those writings, I feel compelled to learn some!"

There is something special about conversation, about sharing what's important to you and whats on your mind.
His statement kind of kicked me into thinking of blogging again. For the sake of sharing whats on my mind, processing thoughts, and asking questions of myself and others of whats important.

A friend recently had this quote on her facebook status from Thomas Aquinas:
"Just as it is better to light up others than shine alone, it is better to share the fruits of one's contemplation with others than to contemplate in solitude"

I find the level of depth of conversations begin with myself. If I want to actually hear how someone is doing, then I need to be willing to open up to them. You can easily set the tone of a conversation to mundane with a "good" or "busy" response. Most people want to share I find, but you give them permission by being open yourself.

For the past 6 years or so my sister asks a question almost every time we talk. We've worked through our day to days, figured out the weather status in Salt Spring or Prince George and then she asks a simple invitation to be open, "So what have you been thinking about lately?" Ill be honest, years ago when I was just figuring out this sibling character of mine it used to annoy me. I dont know why, maybe I didnt actually want to be open or it felt like some default question, but it has quickly become part of my conversational mainstays with her and others. Its an easy to ask question that steers the conversation below the surface level.

So I dont know, I guess starting to do some writing of my thoughts people might actually read is just a way of practicing a little vulnerability. Practicing what it is to be open when someone asks you, "what have you been thinking about?" I realize more and more as I get older how easy it is to be insulated, to not truly know anyone, even the people you care most about. The harder the veins are to find, the more satisfying it is when you strike "red gold" under the surface of the skin.

I realize nursing analogies are disgusting.