The Forest Won't Hold it Against Us

Today I woke up a little glum. I went to starbucks after dropping my bike off to get fixed and went to starbucks. I distractedly read some of my bible before heading outside on the walk hoping to, as the Psalmist I was mildly attentive to encouraged me, "pour out your heart to (God)".

I wonder if my feelings of gloom aren't somehow rooted in my ideal of achievements and success.

Elementary school I had about the best possible life. I was popular, I won the golden shoe award (a highly prestigious athletic award :)), I would play basketball tournaments and win MVP, I won the principal's award (essentially elementary school valedictorian).
In high school I had a few set backs, but life was still pretty awesome. I became the leader of the music team, learning to play music and sing, I was valedictorian, I had a great friend group, I wasn't quite as good at sports (only won the silver shoe... just kidding) but excelled nonetheless.

I got a great card from a friend once that read, "Why don't you stop overachieving and settle into mediocrity like the rest of us?" Besides being hilarious, I think perhaps it has a deep lesson I need to learn! Maybe I am merely having a hard time settling into normality after a childhood of excellence. Having a regular career. Stumbling through living situations and relationships. OK its still abnormal to play concerts and have people listen...

I felt like as I poured out my heart to God and said, "Why isnt this working? Why do I feel unsuccessful? Why do I feel so weak?" He is saying back, "Good! You can't build a foundation on accomplishment you know. In your weakness, that is where I am strong." The picture that came to my mind was this tall, thin pillar with "accomplishment" etched on the side. Sure, it's tall, but it is quite easy to push it over.

I hope that this bicycle ride across Canada cures me. I hope it puts me in right perspective for more than a week or two. I know other times in nature I've thought, "Wow... what I do in life doesn't matter."
Not in a depressive way. But in a, if I wasn't a musician, if I never found a woman, if I lost my career, the forest wouldn't hold it against me.
The moonlight isn't prejudiced against normality.
The rain falls on both the wicked and the righteous.
Neither creation or creator shows favoritism to capacity, only that I try to live to the fullest I can.

The Psalmist writes, "the lowborn are but a breath, the highborn are a lie. If weighed on a scale, they are nothing; together they are only a breath."

It's hard to live as a lie. I'd rather live as a breath, even if I only get just one.