Reality

Do I really desire to live in reality?

More and more I think honesty is essential to living a full life. Not the kind of "I stole the cookie from the cookie jar" honesty, but the honesty of looking at what we really believe, how we really act, where we were wrong and others were right. We do ourselves a disservice I think in covering up our sins. I know in my own life, I shovel the snow on top of all my wrongs and failings making life look pristine, beautiful even. Then the sun comes, and the warmth comes, and as I am faced with the prospects of new full life my snow cover is melted away and I realize Im a mess. I shouldve cleaned up those leaves in the fall, I shouldve dealt with that garbage before it got soaked and frozen and hard to pick up.

My dad mentioned the other day that when counselling, alot of his job is getting people to observe their own role in things that are going wrong. Acknowledging their failures/sins/actions that have caused or at least contributed to this affair, or that addiction, this depression, or anxiety.
How often do I do this same thing? The exercise of honesty. Examining my own life, I realize I play the victim many times when I am really standing in the seat of the oppressor. A failed relationship, losing touch with a friend, depression, apathy, selfishness, living a consumer lifestyle. Its true bad stuff happens to everyone that is outside our control, but am I willing to dig up some dirt on myself? How much of it is really fate and how much of it could be prevented by my living more fully, godly, honestly, relationally?

Theres a verse I sometimes find myself drawn back to:
"Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us." (Romans 12:3)
I like this verse because it implies that the more faith we have, the more we can look at ourselves and say, "this is crap!" And I think thats because we understand both our failings and our desire to live righteously. We both acknowledge how far we have strayed from the path our creator has for us and gain some coordinates for getting back on track. And I guess we realize that we'd rather be honest, fallen, and with direction than dishonest, comfortable, and lost.

Sometimes we cant be honest with ourselves. Perhaps it may hurt too much or we need time to get away from the situation in order to see clearer. Sometimes we need others to poke and prod us in areas that hurt. I once penned a song with a line, "this isnt the love that I knew when I was younger, and you'd tell me when I was wrong

Oh please tell me when I am wrong".