To listen to the song:
This is a song of a necessary
defeat. This is my confession of mortality. I think it wasn’t until I was 22
that I realized I couldn’t do everything for everyone all the time. Focus is a
limited resource. You can only have so many dreams. People are valuable, but
you cannot know everyone deeply and intimately. You can easily swing too far
the other way, into apathy and despair, and so I hope I have not done such. But
realizing your limits is probably one of the most valuable things to learn.
This was written in my third
year of nursing. When school, finances, some girl, living situation, and
depression seemed to comingle into a perfect storm. I had to back out of a few
commitments, stop saying yes to every event and activity, gain some perspective
on friendship and relationship, and lay all my anxieties at Jesus’ feet. Even
in his most hopeful state, tomorrow robs you from experiencing life in the here
and now.
All of these lessons I am still
learning, but I know that God has been very faithful to me. It is amazing to
look back on the stressors I had then and the end result of all of them. I am
graduated, I am ridiculously well paid for a job I enjoy, there will always be
some girl, I am excited about where I will be living over the next year and this
winter I have suffered less depression than any I can remember. “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we
eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ … your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek
the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything
you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own
worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:31-34)
Stuck in Ft George
after dark, watching planes in the sky leaving trails in my mind
Wish I could close my
eyes and be up there, way up in the air, could get a new perspective
I could get out of
this head, I need to find a place to rest I need to crawl back into bed
I could make sense of
this mess, maybe find two ends that meet, get some air beneath my feet
Before I lay these
dreams aside, I’ll leave a trail so I can find them again some day
Somebody told me not
to worry about tomorrow that tomorrow can take care of himself
Often I worry that
tomorrow doesn’t know what he is doing, so I worry about him
I need more faith in
your plan, keep in step with your spirit find your presence and draw near it
In God I trust I will
not be afraid, in God whose word I praise
Before I lay these
dreams aside, I’ll leave a trail so I can find them again some day
I’m sorry for the
moments when I praise God and then curse his image bearers
I’m sorry when I think
my hands are just as big as yours
I’m truly sorry that I
can’t be everything to everybody all of the time
Before I lay these
dreams aside, I’ll leave a trail so I can find them again some day
Great post Derek. I too have had to learn some of those lessons. Going to school and all the other commitment ones has can be tough.
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